Slow Dancing

It's not a silly little moment.
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dyin' breath of this love that we've been workin' on.
Can't seem to hold you like I want to, so I can feel you in my arms...





Once in awhile, the darkness wins...or at least you have to let it out. Tonight is like that.
It's not like I had a bad day or something, my day was pretty nice. Enjoyed the day off, slept in, spent time with friends. A good day. What makes it lead to a bad night? I'm not really sure.
There's some degree of randomness to it, really, like my head just can't contain it anymore and it spills over. All of a sudden I feel like being alone, listening to music. Nothing helps, nothing changes it - which is not to say caring people haven't tried. It's just too massive of a task, I think.
I do appreciate the efforts, though.

Tonight, it's the sum total of my life - just run through a filter, so all the color is gone.
Instead of the good moments, the sorrow is in bold.
I'm not thinking about all the friends I have and have had, all the good experiences. I'm dwelling on the loss and the sorrow and the loneliness. I'm sure it isn't healthy.
Then again, it isn't as though I do this all the time anymore. Just some nights.

I like to say my mind is in a dark place. The phrase has enough different meanings, but most of them are negative - keeps people from prying.
They say to talk about it, but after the hundredth time or so you begin to realize it doesn't make much difference anymore. I've said all there is to say.

And so on nights like tonight, I let the music do the rest. Distract myself, and let the emotion out slowly. Sure, it stings more that way, but I can take it. Always have.

Goodnight.

-C